Well $<“(!!!

I knew I would eventually get the alert about my youngest being exposed to a positive covid case at some point in time at school, but I didn’t think it would be by the end of the first week of school!

Sure enough, text message received before noon today. She’s been a firsthand exposure on the bus Friday. But, since nobody in this world seems to know what the $<“( to do about it anymore, quarantine isn’t mandatory.

Our stupid governor is inept to say the least. Still refuses to declare a state of emergency which would allow our school systems to mandate masks. Well, to mandate anything really.

So here we are. We as parents can decide if we are going to quarantine her. If we choose to, she will not be counted absent. If we choose to send her, that’s OK too.

I talked to the school nurse earlier to make sure I understood all of that correctly, which she said I did. I told her I didn’t know what to do and she said to just do what I think is best.

So I’ve decided to go ahead and send her to school. Unless, of course, she would show symptoms. We have really kinda been going about life as normal, with minimal mask wearing.

Hell, we moved my oldest daughter into college a week ago and we didn’t wear masks. Only very recently has my youngest daughter started wearing a mask again. But really, I’m not sure what good it really does. But if she wants to, we allow it.

Anyone of us could be exposed at any time and not know about it. I guess I’m willing to take my chances with this one exposure we know about for sure. Like I’ve said in posts before, we all lived under the same roof with my oldest while she was positive, and didn’t catch it.

I hope I’m making the right decision, and I guess time will tell.

A quick trip

So we moved my oldest daughter into her dorm last Thursday. I had dreaded that day all summer. She worked at her step-dad’s office most of the summer, so I really didn’t get that much extra time with her.

But that last week before she left I made sure to get some quality time in. I knew once she left, I wouldn’t see her until probably her first break.

But, it turns out, my sinister plan worked after all…😏 Just joking… kinda…

After looking over the packing list that her college had sent out several weeks before move in day, her and I made the decision to leave her Social Security Card here, in the lock box. Even though it said to pack it, I figured we could just run it up to her if she needed it.

Well, she started her new job there on campus yesterday, and her boss asked for it. She explained it was at home, and he informed her that she could only work 3 shifts until she brought it to him for a copy!!

So, I got my wish and we met halfway with it today!! My master plan all along…😄

Honestly though, I never thought she would land a job so quickly. So we met her at a little place for lunch, then she went to Walmart with us and of course, I loaded her up on snacks and some clearance clothes!!

I was so incredibly relieved hearing how driving the interstate didn’t bother her at all!! Today was the first time she’s ever done it alone, and she rocked it!!

Thank God she didn’t get my crippling fear of driving!! It was nice to see her, and she’ll be home next weekend to go to an event with her little sister! I had already talked to her almost everyday since she’d been gone, but seeing her was great!

I’ve got a couple friends whose kids also went off to college, and they are pissed at me because I talk to my daughter every day!! Theirs have been gone the same amount of time but they haven’t heard from them!! 🤭

Sorry, not sorry that I’m not the kind of mom my kid was ready to get away from!! 🤷‍♀️

Just like trauma….

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I don’t even know where to start. I am so tired of this back and forth fight I have internally. It’s confusing and exhausting.

As if everything else wasn’t in total chaos right now everywhere as it is, there’s the fight for and against the vaccine.

I feel safe posting about it here. At least safer than social media. I would get eaten up and spit out if I dared share my concern on there. So I won’t. So here I am.

I’ll start out by saying I’m still unvaccinated. But I don’t feel as though I should be unfairly stereotyped with the group of the “unvaccinated” compounding the pandemic.

I barely leave my house. Other than the daily bus stop and the weekend grocery store trip, that’s it. Oh, I walk to the post office almost daily, so there’s that. But I have yet to get covid, therefore I’m not spreading it.

End of story. Take me out of the stereotype. I also survived my oldest daughter getting covid while living here at our house. Not a single other member of this household got it. And this was before the vaccine was available.

I know people who have had it and survived it. I also know vaccinated people who have contracted it. I know vaccinated people who have spread it. So explain to me how I, being unvaccinated, am the cause for the rise in cases.

Now I know I’m not being singled out, just all of us unvaccinated ones as a group are being told we have blood on our hands. I don’t understand. Have any studies be done on how the vaccinated people could be spreading this new variant? Doubtful.

So here I sit, constantly reminded that I’m not doing my part to stop the spread. That I should get vaccinated. And then I stumble across a video, supposedly from experts showing what this vaccine does to the blood within hours.

I don’t know about you, but screwing with my blood is a little terrifying. I’ve also heard it can cause blood clots. I’ve had those. So now I’m back to my stand that “no one can make me do anything” attitude. Which is dumb because I would give anything to have someone tell me what to do. I need an adultier adult than me!!

So when this all first started, I said I would never get a vaccine. But here I am allowing myself to give way too much of my time worrying about it. I’m not as convinced against it as I was at the beginning.

Does anyone want to tell me what the hell I should do? Not the right thing, not the wrong thing, just something!! I’d love to hear any advice, for the vaccine, or against it!! Give me your best defense for whatever your stance is!!

So much stuff…

Hello, hello….. is anyone out there? It’s me…… Anyone?

Sorry it’s been so long, so long that I don’t even know how long. There’s just been so much going on that I needed an outlet. I hope you don’t mind!

I really don’t even know where to start, so forgive me if I’m repeating anything. You know, I have brain damage and all, so forgetfulness and repeating myself come somewhat natural to me!

I really think the last thing I posted about was a few months ago when I had to have a very serious, heart-to-heart with my father about his drinking. I’m pleased to say that things with that have calmed down. He did have his second hip-replacement surgery, and although we almost lost him due to the surgeon causing a bleed that they didn’t locate for almost 24 hours, he came through ok.

A helicopter ride to a more adequate trauma center, lots of blood transfusions, a couple ambulance transports and weeks in the hospital, he is finally almost released from wound-care. It was a hell of a few months, but I think things are looking up.

He and my step-mother actually moved down here to the southern part of the state where I am. They are only a few hours away now. That is nice. Although, it took a few panic attacks and one wrong turn to get them there.

They have moved to the town where I was first living when I came down here; with my first ex-husband. The one who beat the crap out of me the night I left him. It’s a miracle I survived. Being back down there took A LOT out of me, physically and emotionally.

But we did it. My youngest daughter and I, along with my very best friend from back home and his wife got them all moved in and the U-Haul unpacked. They got them the first 600 miles, and we joined and took them the remaining 300. My little brother and his family came up after my best friend and his wife left, and spent some time really unpacking.

So they are settled in down there and we are getting ready to move my oldest daughter to college in 3 weeks! Orientation is tomorrow, the 3rd of in-person visits. So, I’ll be back soon with more stuff that’s going on!!

A really, really hard day

Today was a really hard day. One of those days that rock you to your core. Well, at least it did me. I’m sure not everyone has days like this.

I had to use tough love on someone today who I love very, very much. But I couldn’t sit back and silently watch him self-destruct. I had had enough. And when I get to that point, you better hold on, it’s going to get bumpy.

I have never disrespected this man one day in my almost 40 years of life. But when my mouth finally opened, years and years of pent up anger and frustration were let loose. I wasn’t proud of how I said it, but I was proud that it was finally said.

Never again do I want it to get to this point, and I’m really hoping it won’t. I had to tell this person that if he continued on the path with alcohol that I was not going to watch anymore.

I brought up the fact that he pulled me from the depths of hell and saved my life, how unfair was that of him to do that and then make me sit back and watch him drink himself to death. I was fed up. He’s on medication for blood pressure and a strong pain med and is preparing for surgery next week. I told him if he continued drinking the way I know he has been, that he would not make it through the surgery.

20 minutes of my life spent sobbing uncontrollably and screaming into the phone, begging for change while slamming my fist into the floor. I won’t survive ever having to do that again. I only hope and pray that I made a difference. He promised me he would stop. It’s on him if he doesn’t.

I’m done

If I had $1 for every time I say those words in a day, it would easily bring in about $20, daily.

I am so over everything. Everything. And I can’t just blame the freaking pandemic, even though that’s a big part of it.

My children don’t seem to think they have to listen to me anymore. Like at all. This was my youngest daughter’s first day back to school in 4 weeks. Back to back quarantines.

And you’d think she had forgotten who the hell I was in the 7 hours she was away from me today. I had to keep repeating myself, stop talking, lose my temper, etc.

I finally looked at her and said, “Hi. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m your mother…” Nothing.

And the oldest, oh my goodness. She’s got college applications to finish, she’s got homework in concurrent college classes she’s taking in high school that is due tomorrow, Senior Panel pictures to order, and on and on….

What does she do after getting home 1 hour late from school after taking another ACT test? She sits on her butt and starts watching a movie with her sister. Yes, I give her credit for that, but come on….

I swear to God I must have had a terrible fear of my mother. I was told once to do something, and if I wasn’t up and doing it in the time it took her to look at me, I was getting something flung at me.

And if I dared to talk back, or say “No” to my mother, I got slapped. Hard. If I was warned that I was losing a privilege, back then it was going to friends or TV really, but I took it seriously and did what was asked.

I can’t take it with these two. I’m done. Then their dad sits there and waits until I have lost my shit, to tell me what he’s going to do next time…. do you know how often he carries out such threats?? Hardly ever.

So I’m done. I quit. I give up. I’m out. Ughhhhh!!! 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’m so over this

Quarantine is over for us on the 15th. My daughter, who tested positive for covid on the 30th, got to rejoin society the 10th. She was able to return to school Monday.

My husband, as an essential worker in Agriculture, was able to go back to work last Thursday. Under strict guidelines of course.

Me and the youngest, well, we’ve been doing school virtually since her first quarantine the 21st. She’ll get to go back to school the 20th, after fall break.

And me, well, I will have nowhere to return to. But turns out, that’s probably for the best. They have had one resident and 3 staffers, so far, test positive out there.

Testing, I’ve heard, is 2-3 times a week for all staff and 1-2 times a week for residents. I’ve heard a lot about lack of reporting, testing positive once, retesting after 5 minutes and being negative, so being allowed to disregard the positive test.

I really, really couldn’t have been a part of that. I think it’s reckless. It puts everyone’s life in danger, especially the more vulnerable ones. It’s just sad. I don’t get it. I know there are still people who work there who wholeheartedly believe this entire covid thing is a hoax. I hate that.

I mean, of all people, the infection control nurse is positive. That right there should be all the proof needed. But still, not enough is being done. So I’m glad I’m out of there! I have more morals than that.

Anyways, we all made it through my oldest being positive. We were very careful, and she basically stayed upstairs. Any and everything she touched that we had to touch subsequently, we used gloves.

And a lot, a lot of lysol and bleach wipes. We also started Emergen-c Immune with Zinc and a multivitamin daily. I really feel like that helped. Well, I hope all of you are staying healthy.

Documentation for future reference…

Got struck with a massive headache this evening…. feel rather sick to my stomach

No sore throat at all today, which is the first time in a few days

No cough either, first time in a few days

No fever that I can tell, but I am freezing!! It’s been gorgeous down here the past week so we’ve had windows open, no AC running. Husband broke down and shut all the windows and turned the AC on

I kicked it up to 74 from 72, it was chilly in here

Oldest daughter is feeling a lot better. Still in isolation through Friday though

Little one and I are quarantined through the 16th, but that’s right in the middle of fall break, so she won’t go back to school until the 20th

Me, I have nothing to go back to. I quit my job at the nursing home. It just wasn’t fair to miss so much work with possibly no end in sight. I mean anything could still happen in 10 days

Wish I could find a reputable remote job. I just don’t know what’s legit and what’s not. I have accounting experience and management experience and a tiny bit of Healthcare administration experience now…..

Ok, head is throbbing, must close my eyes…

Circles…

I’m running in circles. And I can’t stop. I’m worried about everything under the sun, yet doing little about it. Not that there’s much I can do.

I’m just running and running and getting nowhere. One step forward and two back.

Yesterday was a good day for my covid positive daughter, today not so much. This exhaustion is exhausting.

Her and I are very connected, I believe to our very souls, so when she’s feeling like this, I feel it too. Not enough that I’m concerned about my symptoms, just good old “mom intuition!”

I’m just tired and ready for this to be over. I’m also ready to be able to get my own food!! There’s so much I’m craving, but I won’t ask anyone to get it for me. I know they insist, but it isn’t like this would be a run across town.

It’s 35-45 miles away for anything!!

Ugh this sucks!!

And I’m bored!!

Stupid Covid!!

I will never understand…

*Disclaimer* A poor me post….

So, as you know, we are covid central around here. One positive case, 3 negative cases, but isolation and quarantine all around. A pandemic. A freaking world pandemic, and here we are.

I’ve been very open about it all on Facebook so that friends and family can stay updated. And the naysayers and people who think it’s all a political hoax get a little taste of what it is, really.

I’ve had tons and tons of offers for help. I hate asking for help though, so unless someone calls and says, “I’m going to town, I’ll pick up anything you need,” chances are, I’m not going to ask. Even the 20- something kid who is a friend of ours texted me this morning to ask how the kiddo was and if we needed anything.

I was hungry, I’m craving quite a few places that we can’t go, but even after he insisted he’d go get whatever, I couldn’t ask him to do it. He is going to town tonight though, (probably to the bar) but has offered to call me and see what we need. Amazing.

Even though the girls are the only two students at the school currently in isolation and quarantine, our amazing school system is continuing to support us. The girls will get meals delivered to the house daily, along with any class work that the they need. Keep in mind we are 15 miles from the school. Yet they are still doing this for us. And I didn’t even have to ask. Amazing!!

I’ve heard from my Dad and stepmother almost daily, and a couple cousins, aunts and etc. My mother-in-law about a dozen times a day. My sister-in-law too. But you know who I haven’t heard from?? Not one since I told her my daughter was positive??!! You guessed it, my own freaking mother. Not a word. Nothing. I even sent her a text the other day asking a question, leaving her wide open to ask how we were doing…. silence.

So that is really not setting well with me. Is she seriously that cold and heartless? I guess I know the answer to that. I wonder if her cult is tightening the belt on everyone, therefore making her contact with me basically impossible.

Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself, but I really think there is something unnatural when a mother can’t even check on her daughter and first granddaughter stricken with this crazy virus! It’s just insanity to me.